i've been praying and it's been changing things.
working Spirit and watching Spirit work, tale as old as time.
4/19
to be honest, my reasoning for posting this is not the same as it was when i first jotted the notes of what i wanted to say.
it’s crazy how in the span of a few days, the head can get so deep in the way.
i mean, what seemed like a years’ worth of clarity, gone the second the heart loses her faith.
i get distracted so quickly, mislead so easily,
intentionally.
i meet myself in between self-sabotage and forgiveness.
i find myself at the door of intervention.
once again,
i’ve gotten my attention. - 4/20 @ 12:12 am
the moment when i realize the silence in the dark was needed.
so, when i came back, i could see where these pieces of the sun beneath my eyes existed.
before and after things got too clouded and my vision got tested.
that part of me that hears my heartbeat even in my distance.
she shows up in my absence.
she knows to be there when im ready to return.
after i’ve had my time to crash, when im ready to burn.
letting me ease off track so i can find new words, take notes and pray my way back.
and when i do, i’ll return at her feet, grateful for the detour, the setback.
i started this poem disappointed that i wasn’t where i was when i made these prayers.
and as i finish, i realize that this is the testament of a prayer answered.
original notes from 2/13
There's a Yoruba proverb that states, "Prayers are answered in ways that overwhelm the person." Prayer changes things. Prayer is spiritual. It commands the Creator's presence and their grace. It beckons them to release energy from the heavens that flows in the direction of our chosen reality. Pray very well. Pray until you experience the presence of the Creator residing in your chest, in your lungs. Remember the way your breath invokes the Creator, the way it makes the realm of the unseen pause to listen. Utilize this skill to propel you forward, to propel the world forward past its darkness and into the light. There is no obstacle too large that your prayer cannot crumble. It is with this power of the spoken word that we bend mountains into submission, remember that.
-Ehime Ora
i tend to pray the most when the answer has made it’s way to me. i have a hard time meeting God at the crossroads of chaos because part of me feels ashamed that i’d been back there again. part of me was hoping that the last time would have been the last time i had to be pulled back up.
Grace.
is the name of my paternal great grandmother.
Rosebud.
is the name of my maternal grandmother, who passed.
they both remind me of what unconditional love looks like in action. to never be afraid to ask for a hand. never be afraid to fall into the arms of God as that is what they’re there for. so, i’ve been praying in both the noise and the silence.
Your mind is purified through prayer, your heart is expanded through prayer, your blessings are multiplied through prayer, your connection with God strengthens through prayer, so pray and watch all your worries drift away.
4/19 @ 3:33 am
i’ve been praying everyday for the past two weeks. even when i felt i had nothing to say. even when i felt i wasn’t being heard. i showed up anyway. i sent a letter to God, in spite of everything around me telling me my words were sent in vain. something in me trusted that even in the abyss, something was listening. something, someone, bigger than me was counting on my commitment. even if it was just to remind me i was worth trusting in.
“The angel number 333 encourages to set plans into action and let your personal strength be the guide; to trust yourself and put thought into your choices.”
i’ve been seeing a lot of angel numbers lately. for me, those usually show up when something is about to take a turn. it’s something i can feel the most but doubt even more. it’s that thing i know is contingent on my willingness to surrender. it’s that thing that feels completely fucking terrifying. it’s that thing that requires me to be honest. it’s that thing that holds me when the truth has to set me free.
being "chosen" for something comes from your will power to act on that thing whether it be spirituality, art, music, modeling, choir, dance, battle, whatever it may be it thrives and becomes true through your submission & sacrifice to make that thing possible/happen.
444 11:11 444 4444 333
I don't want what I think I want I want what god has for me, purpose.
-
*quote i screenshotted on april 20th, 2021. 2 years and 364 days from me writing that.
and see, that’s the crazy thing about Spirit. i went back to my notes after writing about what i’m seeing and feeling to see what i’d had about these numbers, and again, i’m brought back. it’s like a thump in the back of my neck saying, “you know who you are and whose you are. act accordingly.”
when you feel God, you know. to feel God in and around you. speaking when everything has gone silent. breathing through you when you can’t seem to find your own. that is a love that never lies or dies. even through doubt, it can’t be denied. when you feel God, you know.
1212 - i’ve gotten my attention.
notes from 7/24/23
you can only see a glimpse of all Spirit is waiting to bless you with. ire. never forget. “there is a kingdom waiting for you”. never forget. don’t let your ego tell you otherwise because life isn’t moving at her desired pace. patience and persistence. if you want to receive more, you have to understand why you believe more is so hard to receive and more importantly, keep. freedom and wisdom need each other to create balance. let yourself be led and held. show up.
@ God:
help me to remember the prayer and trust it. relentlessly pursue it. faithfully follow it. help me to live the love letter i was promised. help me to surrender to the chaos of courage and find the coolness of the rain that comes with the storm. help me to find the sun when it comes and not let it pass me by. help me to know when the dust has settled and the answers have made their way to me. help me to know your voice when the noise gets too heavy. help me to trust my heart when my mind is over matter. help me to trust where my feet are and the path in front of me. help me to be lead like i’m worth chasing after. help me to be the answer i prayed for.
2/19/24
honey sweet
ocean deep
rivers flown
into roads of gold
mysteries unsolved
destines unfold
next turns unknown
still stories untold
crossroads
discernment, decisions and discipline
solid
roads of steel ahead
keep up the pace
look both ways
before, behind, beside and beneath
above, so below
remember me
the souls in my feet
the breeze behind my neck
the buzz in my ear
the swift beside my eye
remember me
the trees
the morning dew
the honeydew
the cantaloupe
the coffee, the tea
the medicine
the teachings
use both hands
stand up on your God given two feet
remember me
in the mirrors, look within
paint the picture
tell the story
say the prayer
read the psalm
remember me
who you are and who you’ll be
how you’ll dance
how you’ll sing
oh, to be free
i wrote every piece of this puzzle separately and yet, somehow, they all came together exactly as i needed them to. once again, returning me to the feet of surrender, in the arms of gratitude.
until we meet again,
from my heart to yours.
I’d love to stay connected in this creative space qqwand would be honored if you’d follow me back too. Let’s grow, write, and heal unapologetically—because this is what community looks like.
https://substack.com/@msmaine/note/c-108582438? r=1t2agi&utm_medium=ios&utm_source=notes-share-action
What a beautiful offering. honestly this touched me and reached me in a similar place, where i am also learning surrender and trusting myself and my unfolding. especially that part about meeting yourself at the crossroads of self sabotage ( to roughly paraphrase). thank you for this 💕💕💕